Les Fleurs (To All The Men I've Ever Loved)

It has been quite a while since I've updated. I keep going back to that idea that it's hard to write when I'm too busy living, that somehow the part of your brain that connects the dots is the same part that shuts off your capacity to truly be in the moment. That's why it's been hard to write, because life can feel so good. But there is something worth sharing here because it requires little to no written language and explanation at all really.

Sometimes I "make" art. What I've learned through the pieces I have now completed outside of the institution (and, of course, for better grades) is that I am in love with the arduous processes. Deadlines and due dates don't always permit a year's worth of hoarding materials or for artwork to sit, half complete, in a corner of my already too packed apartment. But I'm a firm believer that both literally and figuratively, things stare at you in the face this way and keep you pondering. Sitting with memories of lost love and places that can only exist ephemerally you learn to let go. Most importantly is the hard lesson that the longer you allow something to exist in limbo the more control you can relinquish and whatever it is can just be. I've said goodbye (and hello) in my mind so many times and this piece is an ode to all of those farewells.

I've mulled over much more than just it's title. What I do know is that I compulsively kept all the flowers that had been given to me over the course of (more than) a year until it just became too much to bare (for Kristopher, most especially). But here it is.

There is something so heartbreaking and it evokes a sadness in me that I can't really put my finger on and I am sharing this because I am hoping you can feel it too. Maybe it is it's entropy as the flowers remove themselves from the canvas and fall to the floor. For quite a while before I painstakingly adhered the petals back in place I let them sit, piled on the ground. My friend and art confidant, Bernadette, wishes I had kept it that way. Secretly I do too.

 Les Fleurs (To All The Men I've Ever Loved) 36" x 30"